Year One

"My Story. My Words."

December 16, 2023 

Happy Birthday to anD, the words from a broken girl! Happy 22nd Birthday to me! 

2023 was special to say the least. I underwent the most amount of changes in the shortest amount of time. Every month, it seemed I evolved into a better and more holistic version of myself. Don’t get me wrong, while that may sound cute and all, I most definitely had instances where I reverted to the same mindset of self doubt, negativity, overthinking, etc., for a short period before I snapped out of it. Because in 2023, I’ve been taught, shown, and been proven over and over again that just because you force yourself to ignore and forget the past, it does not mean you’ve healed. After the immediate publication of my memoir on December 16, 2022, I felt such a surge of relief from no longer having to go back and forth with myself on whether or not I wanted to actually publish. Naturally, after making the hard decision to actually full send and publish, I thought I was healed from all my past trauma and hardships. 

But…I couldn't have been more wrong. I was experiencing nothing more than the highs of no longer having to go back and forth with myself. Because here’s the thing, healing and self-growth is not something that happens overnight. It is not a linear journey. It takes time and it’s hard. Writing this book, I only took the first step towards this journey. I self-reflected on my past and deciphered what was holding me back. As I’ve come to find out, the real journey was me actively working on self-growth and using different mediums, like journaling, going to the gym, dedicating my time to what’s important to me, speaking at different venues, all the while trying to learn who I really am, what my values are, my likes, my dislikes, etc. That’s when the real growth and healing journey started.  

I have grown into a stronger version of myself who has found peace amidst all the chaos. It has been exactly a year since my memoir was published and the question I’ve been asking myself all year is “Was it worth it?”

I now have a conclusive answer. It was. All the rejections, all the hard work, the late nights, the guilt, and everything that comes with building a startup and trying to break into the mental health space, while having shared the most vulnerable parts of my past, and all the consequences that came along with that. It was worth it. If I were to go back to the past, I would not change my decision.   

With struggle and pain comes growth. I have learned more about myself and gained more professional skills and experiences in the past few months than I have in the last few years. For that I am grateful. 

On a more professional level, this year I have been accidentally granted a platform, with the publication of my memoir: anD, the words from a broken girl. I have had the opportunity to talk to individuals of various ages regarding mental health/wellness and sparking conversations on generational trauma. I had the chance to invoke those difficult conversations, whether it was speaking at Guttman Community College, Eastern Connecticut State University, or hosting various panels and workshops with people of all ages and backgrounds to share their unique perspectives and experiences, or simply at book signing events. 

For that, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who gave me the chance to work with them, specifically as a junior in college and as a newly published author with no experience or track record in the field. Thank you to all the participants who agreed to be a part of the panels, whether in the audience or on the stage, and most of all thank you to everyone who became a part of anD, the words community. Thank you for my support systems, those who were there when I needed them the most. I am beyond grateful for everyone and everything who entered my life this year. Most of all, for everyone I have connected with on the conversation of ending generational trauma, self-growth, you are the real reason behind the publication of my memoir. I am happy to have used my story as a way to help validate and give those who are silently fighting their battles a voice. You are why my journey has been worth the price. 

This is my reminder to you, just do it. What is the worst that could happen? I know that it’s scary and it’s uncharted territory, but that thing you’ve been mulling over and over and over again for the past few months, might just be exactly what you need to do. “When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life…” Abel Morales (A Most Violent Year, 2014). 

Take that first step. Self reflect. Because at the end of the day, it’s your story. Your words.

What's your biggest accomplishment of 2023?